Each handicap is like a hurdle in a steeplechase, and when you ride up to it, if you throw your heart over, the horse will go along, too. ~~Lawrence Bixby

Friday, December 30, 2011

2011 - A Very Challenging Year

Oh no, you say, not another year end retrospective?!! Well, yes, of sorts. This one, though, is composed of love and gratitude for my amazing partner, Laurie, and for all she does to make my life so rich and full. This last year she has taken on the roles of cheerleader, caregiver, Sherpa, therapist, financial advisor, problem solver – in addition to the typical roles partners play: confidant, friend, lover.

September 2, 2005
Laurie and I got together in that “in between” time for me – after the worst of the cancer treatments and before most of the side effects set in. We loved going for walks, to the farmer’s markets, to concerts and plays. We worked in the garden together. Except for some ongoing intestinal issues, I was healthy and able-bodied and often prided myself on being the “butch” in the family (in reality, we shared that role, depending on the task at hand).

Of course, much of that changed over the last few years when I began to lose my balance and mobility and could no longer work in the yard, climb ladders, or even carry bags to and from the car. Since it didn’t happen overnight, the changes for us have been gradual, but there was a point sometime early this year when it clicked with us that this was not going to get better and we needed to get some changes in place.

This is where Laurie really shines. Where I deal in denial and procrastination, she plans ahead, researches extensively and puts ideas into action. She researched hand controls the day after I put the fear of Goddess into her and our friend Nan whilst driving. When I mentioned a few times that I couldn’t imagine climbing the stairs for another 12 months, let alone the 12 years we hope to be in this house, she went online to look at stair lifts and before long we had one installed. (This was when it really dawned on me that she wants to keep me around!) She encouraged me to get going with the disability paperwork, and when that came through, helped me research new cars, scooters and scooter lifts.

Of course, in addition to all the pragmatic details, there was (is) that huge emotional component to deal with. Our lives had changed irrevocably. We were both dealing with tremendous grief, occasional depression, me with chronic pain and Laurie walking the fine line between encouraging and nagging (which she does so well). Sometimes it feels like enough to drown us.

But here’s another thing I love about her that she does so well: self-care. She has done a superb job of gathering a support system for her specific issues as a  (for lack of a better term) caregiver. She takes good care of her body and spirit with yoga, massage, meditation, good food (yes, chocolate is considered healthy). She gets to be the butch now in most circumstances! She’s gotten stronger and more capable of doing some things she never had to do before (e.g. packing the car for a trip).

Yes, this year has been filled with many trials for us. I have been blessed with a phenomenal partner who helps me navigate the rough waters with love and respect. I could not have landed in a better place.

I love you sweetie.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, it is not easy to find someone so right as a partner and so loyal. You are so lucky to have found someone as wonderful as Laurie! But let us not forget that despite all your challenges, you, Terri,have so very much to give too! I wish for both of you that your good fortune and happiness continues on and on. In the end, love (and music)are the main important things in life. You got 'em both Terri.
Love, Jackie

Wendy said...

This is such a beautiful post about love between two people and what that means - it is not just in the "good" times that you shine as a couple, but in the challenging times too. You are BOTH very, very lucky to have each other...I'm thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful 2012. *hugs*

dohlink said...

As always, the window into your lives is such a precious thing you share. Love to both of you...all 3 of you....I'm lucky to have you for a sister, and I know how lucky so many of your friends and loved ones feel to have you in their lives, as well...the other Jackie

Linda Koons said...

Today must be the day for blogposts that touch my heart---yours is the third I've read from special people in my life that just brought tears to my eyes. You and Laurie are both so blessed to have each other. Of COURSE she wants to keep you around! (I wonder if she could give me a lesson or two on just where that "fine line between encouraging and nagging" falls...I'm not sure I've located it yet!) Thanks for sharing this love note.

Lynn Greenwood said...

What a sweet story. Thanks so much for sharing, terri. happy new Year to you and Laurie.

Shelly said...

you both inspire me!!!

Tiffin said...

This was beautiful to read, Ter. You have experienced several miracles in your life (brought on by your own courage and determination in no small part) but perhaps the best one of all was meeting Laurie. I'm so glad it's the long haul for both of you and that you both acknowledge that with your care of each other. I'm such a sucker for a love story. *sniff*

Gaia said...

Truly, there is no greater gift than unconditional love. It takes a big heart to give that kind of love and it takes a big heart to receive that love. Blessings to both of you - and thank you both for shining your love into the world.

Laura said...

So, so lovely Terri. I'm so happy you and Laurie have each other.

Lexi said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am also inspired by both of you. Laurie has always been a wonderful person in my life and I am so glad the two of you are happy together.

Kendall said...

This blog post is like a snapshot, in fact very much like the snapshot taken in 2005, tender, beautiful. And yet life is not like a snapshot. It's shifting, changing, slipping out from under us and towering over us, more questions than answers. I bask in the beauty of the moment in which you write this, and what moves me even more is the sometimes-frightening, sometimes-reassuring, always-evolving multi-faceted truth of each day the two of you have already made together. You stand on hallowed ground for what you have already done. Hallelujah already. If more comes, hallelujah again.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece Terri. How tender and loving you are for one another. When you wrote about how much you like the way Laurie cares for herself it really inspired me. As a carer of my beloved it is like a tightrope sometimes .... I understand both perspectives.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your story and gratitude, Terri. You are right about my sister, she not only cares deeply; she is a highly capable woman who is a great problem solver. And so are you. If the situation were reversed, I know that she would be the one writing this blog to you. May you both continue to "accommodate" (change yourselves) to fit each new (unexpected and most certainly unwanted) change in ability with love, gratitude and resolve. This is "the only logical response," and Laurie will know where that last line came from. Love you both, Charlotte

Paola said...

Beautiful and so moving, dearest Terri.
I can see you both in my mind's eye, and the thought of you together, the love between you being almost palpable, the care and affection, well, it all make me smile and moves me at the same time. A very happy new year to you both, wonderful women!
Lots of love and hugs :-))

Anonymous said...

Thank you honey, bit by bit we are learning this new dance together – and there’s no one I’d rather do it with than you!

Much love always -

Laurie

Anonymous said...

and bit by bit you are teaching the rest of us it is only the dance that matters...thank you. i love you guys. susan