Each handicap is like a hurdle in a steeplechase, and when you ride up to it, if you throw your heart over, the horse will go along, too. ~~Lawrence Bixby

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Next steps (warning: puns ahead)

I decided to resurrect this blog since some new challenges have come up in the last six months or so, and I feel drawn to again share what’s going on in my little corner of the world. I knew it had been a while since I posted here, but didn’t realize that 3 ½ years had passed! Time flies.

I’ve learned a lot in the last few years about disability, access, acceptance, letting go, grief, love… some are lessons I’d rather not have to learn, but some are deep blessings and lessons in grace.

Berkeley Breathed
The most prominent pending change these days is my need for a power wheelchair in the very near future. Like most next steps for me, I’ve been dragging my feet (oh, so many pun opportunities!). I started talking about this over a year ago; then more serious talk, leading to a home evaluation by a PT and a vendor to learn the process for Medicare coverage (power chairs do not come cheap!) The ball was in my court, and I let it lie there for a while – I kept imagining what it would be like to wheel around the house. It felt so irrevocable, like the last nail in the coffin, the final act of giving in to the damn disability.

But walking, even with the walker, has become increasingly difficult and painful. I’ve had a few falls, and the thought of breaking a bone – or even spraining an ankle - is distressing. So I have an appointment with a PT next month who will evaluate the necessity for a chair, and then we can get the ball rolling. There are a series of hoops to jump through to satisfy Medicare that it’s a necessity. I’ve been told that because I am partially ambulatory, it might be difficult to convince them (so I have to wait until I’m flat on my back to qualify??) – but I’ve had such good experiences with the previous hoops I’ve jumped through, I have confidence it will be a slam dunk. (Have you noticed how athletic the words are for action plans??)

Meantime, we are examining the changes we might need to make in the house to accommodate a chair (we already had a ramp built last spring). I’ve been using my scooter more and more and have a better sense of how my days will roll with a chair. I’m starting to look forward to it now, because it’s so damned exhausting to walk from point A to point B and I’d rather spend my energy doing something more fun and productive. 

I have quite a few ideas for more blog posts, so stay tuned! 


Soto said...

I love how you acknowledge that some of these lessons are ones you would rather not learn! Indeed. I think it's against our human nature to let go of wishing it were easier. And yet, we keep moving forward. Both can be true at the same time. I like your writing, Terri. I look forward to reading more!

Terri said...

Thank you! I'm definitely in "sharing mode."

dohlink said...

Thank you for sharing the emotional and physical struggles, pains, frustrations, discoveries, as you have evolved. It is so valuable to people who currently face disability, or, for many of us, who will certainly have to deal with disability in the future. It is also a great source of education for families and friends of people who live this every day. Your openness provides understanding and hope to all of us. My heart to yours.